2016

I'm not sure what I feel about this year. Some amazing people died and that really sucks. 

Personally, I moved away from Indiana for the second time in my life. Most days I'm thankful that I'm not freezing! Most days I also miss my friends.

My Grandma got put in a nursing home- but she needed to be somewhere where she could be help beyond my parents.

My parents moved to Florida. It's so much fun to visit their new home (though it's always fun to visit them). But nothing beats going South to see them! 

As stated in a previous post, my anxiety has shot through the roof. My stress has become almost a tangible monster.

I was unable to really practice my dream this year. Photography is the one thing in like that I want to do. It's the passion I want to make my life.

But, Atomic Lucite has flourished. I didn't keep an actual tally on sales but I can tell you it was high. Higher than I could have ever dreamed. 

I made a few new friends this year. Most of them came from the Internet and through Atomic Lucite. But, I adore them so much.

I went from a girl who felt like I could never belong in the Pinup community- to a girl that made her own way it. I have friends who encourage me.

My self esteem is just the same. I rarely post selfies because I feel like I'm being laughed at- even if I'm not. That's just me though, and it won't ever change. 

My wardrobe has grown and I have embraced skirts when I had hated them. I've learned to love crop tops. Wearing my dresses to a store makes me feel like a princess.

My dog turned 6 and he's still as crazy as ever. But he sleeps more. That's our own doing though- as we haven't stopped since we moved and he sleeps because he can't lift a hammer.

We moved to Ider, Alabama. Population of... not many. There's one restaurant here, and it sucks. I'm a city/suburban girl. This is too much some days. But, on days when Ibfeel so anxious- I'm glad to be here- away from all the people.

This world has gone to hell.

On a plus the Cubs won! I still smile just thinking about it!

And then I think of what happened right after that and my heart sinks into my stomach.

But, I'm officially really happy to see this year go. As a year, I wouldn't personally call it my worst I also wouldn't call it my personal best. It rode in the middle though it had good and bad spikes.

I'm eager to make 2017 a lot better though.

Panic Attack

I'm not sure what's different but my body has been changing a lot this year. I can actually feel hormonal shifts. I cry every few weeks, hysterically. I have more fear than usual. I think about going down hill fast (as in traveling down the mountain in the car) and my stomach plummets. I have always feared dropping and heights- but it's gotten a lot worse.

I rode Mission Space at Epcot this summer and spent far too much time worrying about the sensations I would get from the created G-force. Then Space Mountain made me want to vomit and die when I had rode it at least 5 times during my last visit and thought it was the best ride on Earth. I was so excited and I don't think I can go ever again. I nearly had a heart attack.

Yesterday, I went to Walmart (and I had also gone the day after Christmas). I had an actual panic attack in the store. I've thought I had had panic attacks in the past but this sensation was completely new to me.  So I'm guessing I used to have anxiety attacks, but not panic...

I felt like someone was sitting on my chest. I couldn't breathe. My stomach hurt. My vision got a bit blurry and dark around the edges. My world felt fake.

That's one thing that used to happen to me that hasn't in a long time. I would have moments where I almost felt like I was seeing outside my body. Life felt fake and sometimes all too real. It's extremely hard to explain. It was a Matrix like feeling and this was before the Matrix.

I'm not at all sure what's happening to me. I'm sure that it's all stress related- but it still overwhelms me. 

I could not calm down all night last night. I felt like a bundle of nerves. Slightly shaky, no desire to eat even though I needed to, my core feeling like it was a time bomb.

I ended up taking a Klonopin which helped slow the feelings even though this time I could feel them behind the little high I got. Usually they disappear completely and allow me extreme focus. I don't take Klonopin a lot- only when I need it. 

I guess a trip to the doctor is in order soon. 

 

 

Carrie Fisher

Carrie Fisher. I have all these thoughts I want to say and no words that form a coherent sentence. To the woman who played the role of one of the strongest most independent women that has actually helped shape me into the woman I am today...To the woman who suffered through mental illness and told her story, making it easier for all of us to speak up... To that beautiful lady and overall badass woman... sigh.

RIP Carrie. 💔

Fuck this year.

 

frustrating

It really sucks when the one person you want to talk to is the one person you're unable to talk to. 

This isn't about anyone in specific, I just find myself thinking about a few people and how I want to talk to them. Even if I did talk to them they probably wouldn't listen.

Oh well, that is life. 

Gifts

I pride myself on good gift giving. I like to think of myself as a good shop owner because I like to learn about the people  who buy my pieces. For instance, this week when selling a television, I was going to include a pair of matching stud earrings in the box. It hit me that the buyer had mentioned a pair of dangles I sent them and how it had changed their mind on dangles.

I had a sale and she bought the pair (well same style/color) that I had already sent several days prior. She got her package 5 minutes after deciding to buy the dangles I had just posted. It was one of my finer moments. I also try hard to remember little things like who can't wear earrings and other quirky details.

So, when I say that I take gift giving to the extreme- I mean it. I play all ideas and all angles. Last year my best friend and her husband (who happens to be my other best friend's brother- they met at my party though I can't take much credit except for providing food and shelter) threw their annual Ugly Christmas Sweater Party. They decided to have a white elephant ornament exchange.

They sent invites out in early November and I spent a lot of time working on ornaments. I settled on an ugly Christmas sweater ornament that I found randomly at Hobby Lobby (of course when I wasn't actively searching) for me to bring. I found a Mr and Mrs Claus set made out of panty hose for my husband's ornament. Did I mention they were naked with little butt cracks and all? Hehe. 

Imagine this type of doll... I really wish I had a photo but it's on my old phone. 

 

I'll give you a guess at who had the two most stolen ornaments. 

Tonight, I spent some time working on trying to narrow down my gifts for a secret Santa exhange. I've got a ton of ideas, so many that buying one thing almost feels like a betrayal to the other potential things.

But, after some searching, I came across the one idea I really wanted to get. So, yay! That's one step closer to being done! 

I love Christmas! Now, I'm not overly religious. I am one of those horrible humans that enjoys it for the gift giving. Why? Because, I really like to spend time finding things for the people around me that I care about.

For me, it's not about the deals or the receiving. It's just taking time out to think about the people in my life. Their interests, their joys, and what I can give them to put a smile on their faces. Because, the season to me is more than shopping, religion, or colors. It's being with and thinking of the people you love the most.

That being said, I can't wait to go visit my parents! I won't be there for Christmas but I'd like to be there by New Years... which is something I also associate with my parents. ❤️

...

Sometimes I wish I could just run so far away from everything and everyone and just live in a hole. 

My favorite show

Today, the revival season of my favorite show aired. I have been waiting for this day for almost 9 years. My heart broke the day the show ended. My best friends had disappeared. I had learned that the revival was going to happen exactly one minute after Gilmore Girls made the first post on Facebook. One minute. Right time, right place, major dancing happened.

 Through the years I was asked what my favorite show was and I always thought of Gilmore Girls. To me nothing can even come close to it. 

These women are my role models and my friends. When they cried, I cried. When they loved, I loved. They are more than characters to me and I'm not the type of person to really feels that deep about fictional characters.

Everything in life can pretty much be related to with a scene or quote from this show. I should know, I've seen every episode at least a dozen times and some a lot more than that. I've made so many people watch it with me over the year and I have so many theories! 

This season (because I refuse to see this ending as the end until I'm told otherwise) has sparked so many thoughts in my head. I cannot wait to watch it all play out (I really hope it gets the chance). 

I cannot express to a normal person how much emotion I have today. I'm running low on sleep and crying like a baby, replaying scenes and playing close attention to certain things that are said and looks that are made.

My obsession with this show, shows no bounds. I would just die for confirmation of another season as a Christmas gift! 

Thanksgiving

It's funny how much holidays change over the years. When I was little, We would have Thanksgiving at my Babcia & Jaj's house (Grandma & Grandpa). The entire family would come and we were all so close. 

During my younger years that meant that on Thanksgivintg Eve my cousin Stefanie and I would watch a magic show on TV (because they always had a magic show). Her mom would peruse the Black Friday ads. Then we would all play hide and seek until we decided to put on a magic show of our own on Thanksgiving day. My aunt Teresa would assist us and also give good hiding spots. My Mom always made Thanksgiving dinner with my Grandma. The men would watch sports, hang Christmas lights, and do manly things, I guess. I have no idea actually! Haha! 

Later, during my teen years, I spent most of my time with my little cousin (9 years younger??) Karena. She and I became pretty close and I would have a lot of fun with her. These years, food also started becoming the main event- and not just the cheesecake but all the foods. But, I would carry Karena around on my back and we would go look at snow and all sorts of stuff. 

Recently, any of us who could gather, would go to Babcia's for Thanksgiving. During my two years I spent in Alabama a while back, I even made it for one. My family as a whole doesn't talk much anymore. Some relatives just don't get along, but that's another story for another day. A story that starts with me meeting my husband, actually. Go figure.

This year is the first year that my Grandma isn't in her home. Thanksgiving was always her holiday too (as she was the one throwing it). She's currently living in a care facility in Iowa near my uncle and his family. She also recently broke her legs due to an accident there. I hope my Uncle will visit with her tomorrow- if they can't take her to their house. 

My parents will be having a nice dinner with my Dad's side of the family in Florida. Sunny Florida. Sigh. 

And, I have no major plans as of yet. My sister-in-law is in Kansas City and my brother-in-law is in Arizonia. My Mother-in-law cannot have salt or normal food. It's kind of a pitiful holiday this year.

I'd love to be in Florida with my parents, of course. I'd also like to see my Grandma- so long as she can curb the "get a job" speech.

But, that's life. I miss my family this year- but we will make it work in the long run! 

Books

One thing I do when I get depressed is read. It usually is the only thing that helps me shake the funk, if you will. However, the books I like usually help cause a bit more pain in the beginning. The stuff that I focus on when depression hits me is usually the happiest parts of what I read. It's difficult to deal with but I usually hit a hump and I start to feel better- because of the reading.

I'll be fair and share that I was diagnosed with episodic depression (a lovely branch of chronic depression). It comes and goes and it sucks but what can you do? I was taking medication but I became a complete zombie and I gained 25 pounds , which have subsequently been lost. Let's not even talk about the withdrawal and side effects I've been through! 

As I was saying, reading is my medicine. I have a ton of books and my kindle is bursting with them too!

About two years ago, I started thrifting all the Black Dagger Brotherhood books by J R Ward. Paranormal books are likely my favorite types, though I do have one other contender. 

Anyway, I've been debating on reading these books for so long but I kept putting them back down. First, the books develop there own vocaubulary which could go either way. Secondly, the main characters are really what have stopped me. Their names being Wrath, Thorment, Zsadist, etc... Kind of lame.

I finally picked it up back in October (because I always read horror and paranormal during Halloween month). I just now really started the first book this week though and I am giddy. 

Again, it sparked some pain since I started it while at a very low, low. But now, I feel happy just to read it.  And, let me reiterate that I was really low for the past week. 

I'm glad that I can find things to help me shake some stuff. 

In other news...

This (black) Friday marks the release of Gilmore Girls AYITL on Netflix. I cannot contain myself. I've seriously watched every episode at least 10 times through the years and some even more than that. It's amazing to have something given back to you when you thought it was gone forever. 

 

It truly is.

My husband cannot wait til it's over just so I'll stop talking about it. This saddens me- but then again- he enjoys it too (the series not all of my questions). But then again, I wish he had a classic car just so he'd stop talking about that to me. Right? But, I'm sure that wouldn't stop him talking now would it?  And if it did, he'd probably never say anything to me ever again. :/

Isn't marital life just fun? I'm kidding. Am I? Ha! 

That's all I've got for now. Back to my book! 

hmmmmmm

 This. Just this. 

Random Thoughts

I write more when I'm upset. I believe that's the exact reason I gave for starting this blog. Ever since Tuesday night, I've just been all sorts of sad. I've thrown myself into creating tons of Christmas jewelry. Most of my Christmas pieces have cracked and are now completely useless. Go figure. 

But I'm trying.  I haven't been able to wear a skirt/dress or find the desire. Now, let me state that I'm not exactly sad about the election and who lost. Yes, I am a woman and yes I want to see us all win. But no, I'm just really sad that our next President will be Fuckface Von Clownstick.

That's not to say I'm going to be out protesting either. For one I live in Conservative Central- and that seems like a quick way to become a pariah. Secondly, I'm not sure what that would accomplish for me. 

Can I just say this one last time? We didn't lose. We won the fucking popular vote! 

So, onward, let me just state that living in a small town sucks. We have one restaurant and it's home country cooking style. It's decent in that you won't get sick. But, you definately aren't loving it either.

Their one saving grace is that they have an amazing salad bar! But, I like ranch dressing. They use miracle whip in the ranch. And I can't even act like I can eat that. So there's that.

It's so hard to live in a place with crappy restaurants and scary things trying to kill you all the time. The other day, I found a brown recluse spider in one of my jewelry drawers. I'm definitely going to die. 

I'm working on some new earring pieces- which was why I was in the drawer with the spider- trying to find some stuff I don't have. I came up with some amazing snowflakes but I can't seem to make them wearable. It's such a shame because I've had so many people ask about them and they're so delicate! 

Ugh. I had another giveaway and both winners want some pretty detailed pieces. It's great because I like the challenge but I'm always afraid I'll mess everything up! 

I like to give things to people, a lot. I can't help it. If I really like a person, I send them stuff. I hope that people don't see me as begging for friendship because of this, I just like to give. 

And, I like giveaways with my business because it's fun!

And I have no idea what I'm talking about now so I'm going to wrap it up. Sigh. 

ELECTION 2016

I'm on my 11th or so hour of being completely speechless.  Prior to yesterday, I made a ton of jokes about the complete sham of an election. I was utterly convinced that my vote did not matter in the Presidential Election because I live in a red state. I was correct.

I spent a few days focused on a perfect write-in candidate. Several days were spent with the desire to vote for Jill Stein (with the opportunity to make my vote count by giving our country an official 3rd party candidate, the idea was enticing).

I woke up on Election Day and I got dressed in the most patriotic outfit I could find in my closet. I went to the polling station. I sat down with my ballot and I cast my vote for every other state and local official and state wide amendments- which I had done adequate research on. 

I flipped over my ballot again and scanned through my choices for President. I paused at each one and had a two-second pro/con argument. I filled in the bubble for Hillary Rodham Clinton. 

Because, in my heart, wasted vote or not, she was the clear choice. As a woman with friends that are female and LGBTQI- there was only one choice that mattered.

Screw the emails and problems that I have with her. She was my candidate in 2007/08 because I knew in my heart that she would help this country be a better place.

I can't come up with the words to even begin to talk about the conclusion to this election. All I can do is hope that the scary things we all fear never come into fruition. I can only hope that things aren't as horrible as I fear they can be.

What else can I say? Nothing. I have nothing else.

wtf?! election night.

Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf?  Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? Wtf? 

CUBS WIN! CUBS WIN! CUBS WIN!

It's quite possible that you have been hiding under a rock if you don't know that the Cubs won the World Series after 108 years of loss. Wow!

This is my team. The lovable losers. The team every fan wanted to see in this position but never did. The end of the season would come and we'd be sad but never angry. We are the best losers. I believe Bill Murray even said that last night! 😉

The weird thing about this is that Chicagoans are the opposite. The Bears lose a game and the fans are looking to lynch anyone as fast as they can. It's actually kind of scary. It's also a lot of the reason I'm a Colts fan!

But, the Cubs. It was always just another year- we'll get them eventually! 🎶"Someday we'll go all the way!"

That someday is here and it is stunningly beautiful! Our boys in blue! 

Game 4 came around and a lot of people I know had already developed a "there's always next year" philosophy. But, I refused to give up. And even if we had lost- I would have been okay with that (even if I was heartbroken). To be a Cubs fan means that you have optimism even when it doesn't happen. To me that is a true fan. Believing in your team even when they don't bring it. 

We all have bad days. It's what you do with them! It's about rallying together and saying that you won't back down! 

Now, I'm not the best Cubs fan. I'll admit it. I don't watch most regular season games (I just don't have time- and baseball takes TIME). BUT, I keep up with them. I look up scores at the end of the game or I check a friends status on Facebook everyday! 

But, I'm not a bandwagon fan. And I hate the term! This has always been my team and it will always be my team! And, randomly, I do not like the White Sox- but that is mainly due to a lot of the jerk fans I have met (this general principle is why I do not like Alabama- DO NOT ROLL TIDE)!

When I was little I would catch an occasional game at my Grandma's house in the summer. She didn't have cable so we only got the basic channels and, of course, WGN.

I loved Harry Caray the most! The 7th inning stretch would come on and I'd sing along. He kind of reminded me of my Grandpa.. in the most lovable way.

Watching Sammy Sosa later on was a major reason for watching the Cubs! It ran up there with watching the Chicago Bulls! 

Part of me is still speechless and the other part is singing. I'm so happy for my team! To the boys of Cleveland for putting up a great fight and making it an even playing field.  And to our boys for bringing it home! I still cannot believe it!

And P.S. I'm pretty happy about Rizzo being the one to officially win it. Totally my favorite Cub! Not that I don't love them all! Hehe! 

And, also- a trip to Wrigly for a game has been on my bucket list for a very long time. I flipped out just because my Dad drove us around the stadium a few years ago- the biggest smile on my face! If that doesn't make me a fan, what does? 

 

Unicorns!

u·ni·corn

ˈyo͞onəˌkôrn/

noun

1. 1. 

   a mythical animal typically represented as a horse with a single straight horn projecting from its forehead.
2. 2. 

   An elusive piece of clothing that just can't seem to be found anywhere. 

   
   

Most people think of unicorns as the dress they want- that is so hard to find because the maker stopped producing it. It's often highly sought after and finding it (in your size) is an impossibility. It's the things we dream about and wish that one day, luck will shine down on us and with it- bring that one special piece. 

That is most people. For me, I see my unicorns as those similar pieces as stated above- but also pieces that I really want but can't afford. For me- there's no way I can afford a $144 dress even with 25% off. 

But, lately I've had some great luck. There have been three pieces that I'd like to talk about today that have been on my absolutely must have lists for years. I'd scan the swap and sell pages hoping that some girl in my size would be crazy enough to let a piece go (for cheap) and I'd be the lucky first person to jump at it! 

It never really happens. So, let's talk my spoils.

First, I have spent years viewing the Alika dress by Tatyana. I had wanted it for so long but the $143 price tag was just too much. They'd have an occasional 50% off sale but I could never find it in my size. So, I kept hoping and praying that it would just make it to me one day! 

And, one night- it happened. My size appeared on Poshmark. I was hoping for green but there was black! Medium! Oh my! My first thought: "I don't really have a little black dress!!"  And it was $55. The best price I have ever found. The seller said she had only wore it once!

Look at that neckline!

Smiles for days!

So much love that my leg went phantom.

The second piece (please keep in mind that I'm merely showing three of tons of pieces I have wanted for forever) is the Atomic print in the Doris style by Pinup Girl Clothing! I had seen this print when I first started researching pinup photography. I wanted it so bad. I looked it up and it had sold and didn't look like it would be coming back anytime soon. I gave up on this skirt. It sat in the back of my mind but I really didn't think it would ever happen. Then, low and behold a woman sold it on the swap page for $50! It had a few spots but they were so small that they didn't bother me- especially for the price! But, someone had claimed it. And I was so upset! I told the girl to consider me next if by some crazy chance it fell through. One week later and it was mine!!! And I do not know where this skirt has been my entire life!!

I feel like a rockstar!

And I finally have a reason to wear my jewelry!!

The third piece for this entry is the Pinup Girl Clothing Monica dress. Ever since I have seen this dress, I have wanted it. It has suited everyone I have ever seen in it. I was floored that it worked so well with literally every size. I wanted it! I needed it! (Oh Baby, Oh Baby) But it was $144. PUG clothing would rarely have a sale and no true sale can justify such a high dollar amount especially for something I can't see myself wearing somewhat daily.

So, I stalked the swap pages. I really wanted one brand new but it was almost impossible. The standard rate on swap is about $90, and worn out in a lot of cases. Zippers needing fixed... Etc. you could find something a bit cheaper but never much lower than that.

Fast forward to Sunday night. Poshmark.  My size. Red. $45. Never worn only tried on. 

I didn't even hesitate. Not for a single second. It was mine within 10 seconds of seeing it.

I'm still not 100% sure on how I feel about it though! 

 

Mainly because I get extremely weirded out when you can see any little bit of my  (Polish girl/ love for sweets) belly. 

 Not going to lie... The top is pretty darn spectacular!
 
 

That's all for now. I'll be photographing these all soon and I'll have even more to share soon! 

 

 

The start of my Bucket List

I was flipping through my Deceptive Desserts book by Christine McConnel the other day. She makes some crazy stuff! She's on IG at @christinehmcconnell if you'd like to check her out. The book and her particular baking style is anything deceptive.

Lemon Blueberry cakes that are actually shaped like lemons! She has an entire chicken dinner with corn, green beans, carrots and mashed potatoes that is completely made out of desserts. It's very mind blowing and quite honestly my favorite cook book because I wish I could be that creative.

I mean... Really.

 

One one page she has the Grand Hotel from Mackinac Island completely made out of fudge. Fudge of course being one of the things Mackinac is known for. 

 

This made me think of my long desire to go to Mackinac and stay at the Grand. Which started me thinking about some more things I'd love to be able to do before I leave this world. I also truly hope that's not anytime soon. 

So without further ado, here is a list of things that I must do before I croak. I figured I'd come up with 40- and see how that goes. (P.S. I have not written it out yet so whatever come out - comes out naturally).

1. Visit Europe

2. Drive the entire route of US 66, starting in Chicago. 

3. Sell jewelry in all 50 states.

4. Photograph people until it's no longer fun for me. Give it my all.

5. Visit Fiji

6. Take a cruise

7. Go West- specifically New Mexico and Arizona (look for Fenn's Treasure, even half heartedly just for fun).

8. Walk by myself in an autumnal forest (I try to do this whenever I can).

9. View the galaxy in the most optimal of places. Photograph it.

10. Sew something challenging and wear it with pride.

11. Go back to Disney World and live like a kid as much as possible. 

12. Visit New York City.

13. Stay at the Grand Hotel.

14. Visit Las Vegas.

15. Have coffee in Seattle. 

16. Hike the PCT (highly unlikely but this is a wish list). Yes, I really enjoyed Wild. 

17. Get lost and be okay with it. 

18. Dress fancy and be 100% okay with it. Even for just a week.

19. Make as many friends as I can, even if they're just acquaintances. 

20. Turn left when I want to turn right and keep driving until I wind up somewhere unexpected. 

21. Go back to New Orleans. Visit both St. Louis cemeteries. Buy Gris-Gris. Channel my inner Marie Laveau. Wander aimlessly.

 

22. Visit Savannah.

23. Visit Charleston. 

24. Visit my favorite cemetery again.

25. Go back to Bloomington and buy a bagel and hot tea in the Autumn. Be sentimental. 

26. Read as much as I can.

27. Give to a charity in another way than money. Volunteer. 

28. Dance under a full moon naked. Tee-hee

29. Never forget the things that have made me happy. (I have no control over this- but it I can continue thinking of them it only betters my chances).

30. Hang glide. 

31. Go ghost hunting.

32. Visit Salem, MA.  

33. See the end of Gilmore Girls. (I've honestly told my husband that he cannot kill me til this happens). Haha! 

34. Visit the UK.

35. Do something for a friend- just because. (I try to keep this my motto).

36. Become a vegetarian again.

37. Continue to embrace the straight edge lifestyle (even after a few set-backs). Do this in my own way with nobody forcing my hand.

38. Get another tattoo. (I've got it picked out and everything!)

39. Go spelunking.

40. Point to an absolutely random city on a map and visit it.

41. Find a way for my biggest dream to come true. (Sorry this ones a semi-secret that I just can't share on a blog). 

42. Have another Halloween party. Bonus if I can have one with my friends from IN.

43. Become friends again with someone I thought I thought had lost.  

44. Visit Japan! How is this so far on the list?!? Oops! 

45. Photograph someone that I look up to...

46. Perfect my buttercream icing.

47. Have a tiki party when our tiki room is done! True tiki style clothing only! 😍

48. Eat something I said I never would and enjoy it.

49. Always exceed expectations. Set goals for myself, then shatter them. (Like this entry).

50. Ride a zip line.

51. Attend a masquerade

52. Attend a luau (double points if in Hawaii).

53. Stay in a haunted house.

54. See the Northern Lights.

55. Visit the Crooked Forest.

56. Tour the Everglades and take a trip to Key West.

57. Stay at the Polyensian Village.

58. Mentor someone

59. Challenge myself in some sort of education, again.

60. Read at least 10 classic books that were originally written in a different language.

I don't care!

I'm currently in a poor mood due to another mongrel from the internet (and my hometown) sharing videos that shouldn't be shared or videotaped at all for that matter. Sigh. Therefore, I'm going to write a blog to try and recover. Let us begin, shall we? Let's shall!

The other day, I decided to make an ink purchase from Amazon due to my upcoming new batch of TV releases! Ooooh! So, ink is totally mundane, right? But, Amazon has the cheapest prices. Two packs of generic off-brand ink for $7 (and some change)! AND it's prime! But, it's also an add-on item! Come on Amazon, not cool.

But long ink story short, my add-on to get Prime was "Your Beauty Mark" by Dita Von Teese. I've been debating the book for a while because I'm not a hardcore Dita fan. (Gasp!) I'm sorry. I like her, she's beautiful, and she's supposedly amazing.  I just don't want to call her my "Queen Bee" and worship the ground she walks on.

And, also, I don't like people that get so famous that they like to charge for autographs. Also, a kiss next to the signature costing a million dollars more? Nah. Give me the Cherry Dollface's of the world any day.

Anyway, I got it and I thumbed through it and it didn't give me any feels. I was flipping one page filled with photos of Dita half naked to the next. And, don't get me wrong here either, I don't have a problem with that. I can see the complete value in all photographs by professional photographers who are trying to accomplish some sort of look. But this book, it all feels... gratuitous. Every other page.

So, I shelfed it.

Then I got bored.

I started reading.

I found the subject interesting though slightly verbose. Slightly pretentious. But, I also found that it stirred up a few feelings inside of me. Several paragraphs (and long sentences) resonated with me.

"That is why I have always found the greatest inspiration and kinship in those brave shapeshifters, those famously infamous eccentrics, lauded and lambasted for breaking the rules of beauty and glamour, who endure in our imaginations as constant sources of indication despot their unconventional looks."

 

Now, I'm just 1.5 chapters in to the book. I have stalled a bit because the current chapter is about exercise and eating things that make paper sound good. I wish I could say that diet and exercise were at the top of my cares- but I really like sweets. Too much, in fact.

Where was I going with this? Today, I went to Huntsville. I wore a full skirt and I did half of my make-up (no concealer until I get rid of my rash). And, I was in Target (my last stop) when it hit me; I didn't care what anyone thought. I got dressed and left without the anxiety. None. I didn't wonder if people thought I was crazy, I just did me.

So, is this really because of a few words in a book? Is this because of a few great friends helping me through my problems for the longest time? Perhaps this is because I wore dresses for a week in Florida and nobody made me feel like an idiot (even at Disney). I can't be sure what has made me feel this way. I can't be sure that it's even a forever feeling.

But, one day after dyeing my hair for a while- I stopped caring what people thought of me. This may be the time when I stop caring again.

I just wanted to share this development.

And, in other news, my jewelry business is still selling. But, things have slowed down a lot- and I wish they wouldn't.  I'm hoping that the televisions are a hit again. We're getting Internet on Thursday! Huzzah! My car- Leif- has pretty much died. He's living in the driveway at my Mother-in-Law's and I haven't driven him in over a month. I have no car and I do not like driving my husband's truck. However, my husband's ex-boss has a convertible (👐🏻👐🏻) Volkswagen Cabrio that he's going to fix up for me. I will admit that I like cars that are somewhat unique. I also like to name everything I own after men- since men like to name the things they own after women. Don't even get me started on that!

I also like funny names. I also like naming things based on ethnicity. We were told Boomer was an Australian Shepherd when he was a puppy. All of my dogs have had names that started with B. Boomer is short for Boomerang. Australian.

Then when we found out he was a Catahoula (it's a Cajun dog, and he was already 3) I got so upset that we had not named him Boudreaux.

Wow, that was a fun tangent. But yes, I'm going to name my (I hope it becomes mine because I already feel like it's mine) German car Otto. A German name. Otto-mobile. Hehehe. So stupid.

And that, is the end of this blog. Because, I suck at endings!

I've got a problem!

 

My problem? Wondering where to keep these babies and how to not be upset with myself for wanting to look pretty on occasion. 

I just can't wait for photos! 

 

 

 

 

 

Shiny bits

This week has exploded for me in terms of sales with my jewelry company. I've been posting a lot more just to drag up some interest, but wow! It's so weird to me.

Here I am, just this socially awkward girl that decided one day to make a few pieces of jewelry instead of buying it, because well- I'm poor (especially when it comes to splurging). So, I got the stuff and I crafted.

Now it's been over a year and a half and things have absolutely exploded! I love making jewelry and I especially love when people get my jewelry and then they have to write me and tell me how thrilled they are.

I'm just this girl. I don't think I fit in with the pin-up community. I'm certainly not a popular girl, or a funny girl, or even someone who stands out in a crowd. I don't think I'm even talented. I'm not really artistic! It still kills me when people call me an artist. I just pour some glitter and hope for the best!

My jewelry literally has more of a life than I do! But, I'm just really happy to have something to look back on one day. How I brought smiles to faces. How I brought more shine into people's lives. How even though I never fit in in the community, I still made a small name for myself.

Life is funny that way.

It's unexpected and it's crazy.

And, I sure hope things keep looking up.

And, I sure hope this new rash on my face goes away! Ah, the joys of playing with the things you're allergic to. 

That one time...

Oh, hi! 

I thought I would write a quick blog on why I got into photography! A few years ago, I decided that I was going to change my style up (and yes, it's still changing and I still look like a lowlife most days). But, I embraced the pinup style and threw myself into the culture. I spent weekends playing with my hair. I bought everything I could find that would help me on this path.

One day, many moons ago, I decided to get pin-up photos done. I had been playing around with my own camera for some time but, I wasn't feeling it. 

So, I bought the shoot as a birthday present for myself. I packed an entire suitcase of clothing and heels. I was so nervous that I couldn't eat for two days. 

I went for what I was told would take 2-3 hours and ended up being 5. The girl who took my photos also had to work on my hair and make-up. Her 2.5 year old son was there too. 

He provided some comical relief during the longest ever makeup session. It was raining something fierce and we were in the girls garage (oh, you'll notice I'm not referencing the photographer by name mainly due to the fact that I own the rights to these photos and that she was extremely rude to me, once I started my own photography, sorry- just no.).

Anyways, we were in the garage and it was raining. Her trash can was located outside the garage door, and her son sat at the door the entire time I was getting my makeup done- pushing maggots out the door. Yes, these are the bits and pieces I remember from the shoot. 😱

Anyway, after hours of dolling me up to the point that it was way too much, she worked on my hair. It was okay. It just wasn't me.

Then her friend showed up. And, let me clarify something here. I had done my research on this photographer and noticed in all of the photos she released- people looked odd. She and her friend took photos and they would post them, and they would be stunning! But her actual clients looked- not as good (specifically their facial expressions). I digress. 

Her friend came to help watch her son during the shoot. So we all went to the little area she had set up as the background. And then her 2.5 year old son and the other model friend proceeded to watch everything we did. The son was constantly trying to be in photos too. And, me? I was already nervous. Now I had an audience and I was wearing lingerie. Great. Not.

The results, I will share below. My favorite one is the one on top of the tv. Because, what the hell am I doing?  Please note the looks on my face. I was horrified by these photos- knowing fully well that I had smiled for most photos. I can only see the anxiety in these.

 Anyway, after waiting nearly two months for the photos- they finally arrived. People liked them. I hated them. I wanted to at least be able to see myself in them. I did not. So, I decided one day to see what I could do.

I found a few friends and I tried my best to do their makeup and hair. I'll fully admit that I'm not a stylist or a makeup artist. But, I tried. The shoots were all free.

They weren't perfect- but- they were just for fun. Until, people started to see them and loved them. Then they begged me to do theirs. I started growing and the photos started getting better. I started tweaking the camera to learn how to manipulate it. And, then I became addicted.

After a few months, the photographer I shot with ended up yelling at me - claiming I was stealing her business. She  also thought I had come to her just to learn how to do shoots (lighting and such). 

She did inspire me. She inspired me to grab my camera and try my hardest to make my subjects never feel like they had to wait months for results. She inspired me to film them in ways that left them feeling positive about themselves instead of negative like she had done to me. 

But, I don't think she'd understand that.

Is that a mouse?! 

This is where I learned that shooting a short girl from above makes them look shorter. 

She said I made "sexy" faces. I literally look like I'm saying "eh" here. 

The rest of the photos here aren't bad. None of them are truly horrid in the long run. But, I don't see myself and when I look back- I grimace.

Wondering whether it's sexy or if my stomach is hurting...

"Is someone coming to relieve me of this awkwardness?!?"

This is likely the only photo I received that I was happy with. 

FIN.

 

 

 

 

 
 
 

 

I just need to get this off my chest

Ugh. 

My photography isn't pornographic. The photos I take of myself aren't pornographic either. My hair is the color I want it to be. My make-up is done the way I like it. I choose who I am. I dress how I want. I am who I am. Period. 

I'm so tired of being judged. The person who judges me is "family," though we're not related (and it's obviously not my husband). And, I cannot take it. 

Guess what? I'm not perfect. I like being a weirdo. I like that I am who I am regardless of what others think of me. I proudly make jewelry that many girls wear even though you think nobody wears brooches anymore. I have an industrial piercing that means more to me than just a piece of jewelry. It won't come out of my ear unless it has to come out. 

I spend my life doing everything I can to be a good person. I try to make everyone happy and I do my best to make people feel good about themselves.

And yet, I feel like I'm constantly seen as a piece of shit in this person's eyes because I don't have black hair, a real job, and I shoot pin-up.  I may not cook all the time. I may suck at cleaning and being the perfect housewife that you think all women should be.

There's nothing I can do to change these things. I'll always be this girl. This woman. She is me and I am her. You do not need to approve of me. And, I do not need your approval. But, I just wish you'd stop talking shit about me like I'm completely deaf. 

I already struggle with my self esteem and complete lack of self worth; I would just like to not feel that shame from other's around me. That's all.

sigh

I hate being a sentimentalist because I am always around people who don't have a sentimental bone in their bodies. 

Either that or maybe it's just me that they're not sentimental with. I really can never tell. 

Either way- super sadface. 

Florida Blog!!! 😆😆😆

Dearest blog, I have not forgotten about you. I have simply made about 40 posts that were okay in nature but let's face it- I'm not good at endings.

I'm really not. Looking back on all of my term papers and such you would see some great substance, amazing filler, and then a really sad ending paragraph. 

So yeah, basically, I've wrote a bunch of blogs that I can't finish. And I am so sure that this will be the exact way. 

But, here we go.

-

I am so excited! I have arranged a date with my Mom so that we can drive down to visit them in their new home! I miss my parents a lot. It's very hard to be so far from them, because we're so close.

This trip will also be my first real vacation in at least 5 years. Unless you can call traveling to Alabama for 2-3 days and visiting the mountain after family time, a vacation.  Psst. It's not.

This trip will also be the first time I've seen the beach (if it doesn't have salt water it's not a real beach in my book) since 2009- and it has been way too long.

I had spent most of my teenage summers waiting to go to Clearwater. My Grandparents lived in Palm Harbor and we would go down for a visit. 

We would always try to book a stay at the Island Queen on Clearwater Beach. It was a Mom and Pop motel owned by Chester and Mary on a side street. We got to know them extremely well, as my Mom is 100% Polish and so are they. And, Chester is a character. My Dad would stay up late with him drinking Spirytus. That's 192-proof alcohol! 😉 oh yeah- he claims he has never had a hangover on the stuff.

I don't have photos in my phone's possession so here's an Internet pic that looks like something I took years ago. Hah! 

 

They were later bought by some million dollar company to build some condos on the property. I don't think they are finished to this day.

It's really sad.

But yeah, the motel room had a living room and a kitchen. It was really great. 

But I was usually only there to sleep. I knew the entire beach like the back of my hand. Where to buy the best and cheapest souvenirs, where the locals hung out, and even how to find the best internet access before cell phones existed (well for me, anyway).  I would walk from one end to the other and up every side street. 

Clearwater Beach is home to Pier 60. Every night during the summer but especially on weekends- people from the town come out for the sunset festival. They set up booths of homemade items. I can't tell you how much I've wanted to be one of them in recent years. 

The pier just after sunset, in 2009.

 

But anyway,  I'm really excited!! 

To stray from the topic a bit, I've always suffered from wanderlust. Suffered. Why suffered? Because I don't have enough money to travel even though my heart begs for it.

I've always wanted to pack a few bags and jump in the car and travel the entire Route 66. It starts in Chicago, so that really would have been easy.

I have so many places in this country I want to see and nearly millions of places in this world. Basically, it would probably be easier to list the places I have no interest in seeing. You know? 

When I do get to travel, I keep a piece of the place I visit with me. I almost feel like I have a ton of homes away from home. If I were asked to move to any of them at any time, I'd jump right up and go. 

I often just sit around thinking about my other homes and what I did there and wonder what people are doing there right now. Sigh. 

But, back on track a bit, one of those places is the west central Florida coast!

I'm planning on being at the beach on the 9, 10, or the 11th of August. I guess I'll just have to see how that goes. But, I can promise that my heart will be happy when I'm there.

My main reason for going is family time. I'm also going to try and beg for a Disney day- but that might not happen during this trip. My husband and I have been wanting to go for the last few years. Our daily work in the bread industry usually had us talking about how we'd rather be at Disney. 

We'd have deep conversations about what we'd do first. Enchanted Tiki Room vs Tomorrowland? How does one choose? 

My answer: tiki tiki tiki time. TIKIIIIIISSSSS. 

His answer was usually Tomorrowland but only if it was what Walt originally had visioned. It's been upgraded so now I'm not sure how he feels. 

But, I'm sure I'd rather be almost anywhere than a bread aisle ever again. And I'm still not sure about Disney. I wasn't so thrilled during my last visit- with the exception of riding Space Mountain about 5000 times.

We shall see. 😉

But I'm excited!

End Blog. See. 😉

My Fashion Goals

So, I thought I would take some time to talk about my fashion goals. Not necessarily what pieces I want, but where I want my look to head.

As stated in my intro blog, my most recent job has been bread delivery. It was crazy physical and exhausting. Not to even mention the havoc it did to my upper arms, which were already larger that most girls. Oh and the bruises. 😱

My day to day outfit had consisted of jeans and a t-shirt (and sometimes a jacket/hoodie or thin coat). I never had time to do make-up and even if I did, it would probably run down my face.  I looked like a poor little frumpy thing constantly.

Now, that I am out of that crap, I'm trying to wear the style that I like the most. Well, let me be completely honest- I want to but I'm afraid to wear that style. And of course, there's all the physical work we're doing right now.

But, let's start with that first part. Why am I scared? Well, I hate attention. I loathe it. This is quite amusing because I have blue hair and my hair for pretty much every year since 2001 has been unnatural and brightly colored. 

The first time I bleached my hair. And Benjamin. Ah to be 16 again.

But the funny thing about my hair is that it's so me that I often forget it's dyed a bright color. It just is who I am. So I will be out in public and people will be staring  and I pretty much always think I have something on my face. So I get mortified, a lot. 

Blue hair, Don't care. 

I find myself getting sidetracked a lot. Anyway, back to the whole attention thing. I really hate to stick out from the crowd. I am what you can call a socially anxious extrovert- which I plan to talk about in another blog. But for now, just know that I'm anxious in all social settings - unless I have a buffer. 😉 

I recently dressed up for the Fourth of July and we were headed out to a festival. My Mother-in-law told me that I looked great but people would stare at me because I'd be the only dressed up one, that everyone would be in shorts and t-shirts. So my anxiety shot up. 

I started remembering the girl I saw at the festival the last time I had gone. She was wearing rain boots and short shorts. I laughed a lot. I couldn't help it. And, I was so afraid that I would be that girl.

We arrived at the festival and sure enough it was all extremely casual. I freaked out and begged my husband to leave before we got out of the car. 

Patriotic or something. 

My husband complied- as the only reason we really wanted to go was over anyway. The car show. Phew. Relief. Now I only regret not having the courage. 

I assume that one day I will be over this anxiety and on to wearing what I want, just like I wear my hair the way I want. But, it's really difficult to get over.

So, back on track. Maybe. What is the track really? 

What are my fashions goals? Humph. My goal is being able to dress like an everyday pin-up girl. What does that even mean?

I want to be able to wear skirts on most days (except the super-physical days). I also want to perfect my rockabilly look. This is intimidating because I really suck at doing my own hair. It's so thick and gross and I get frustrated after 1 minute.

I figure (hope) all of this will be a lot easier if I ever get to open my photography studio. (Fingers triple crossed).

Anyway, just to end this entry, I'd like to share a few pictures of some of my more recent acquisitions. I've got a list that's longer than it should be of items that I really need/want/must kill for. Some of these pieces are from that list. And I am beyond excited to wear them when I go to Florida one of the first weeks of August. I figured I can dress the way I want there because, vacation. Right? 

skirt is Pinup Girl Clothing and it was at the top of my must-haves. One of my favorite parts of the culture and the midcentury lifestyle is... Tiki! We're actually going to be making a tiki room and bar in our house! So excited! And yeah, that necklace is made by me (and my husband) in my company, Atomic Lucite- because TIKI!!

Also fun thing about this skirt: I showed it to my husband expecting some sort of death glare. And, he literally said: "That's an awesome tiki print!!!" 

I don't have much money to play with and even less so now that we have moved and we're just starting out businesses. But, I can gladly share that all of the items I am posting here was paid by my jewelry endeavor. I totally couldn't say no to this. Strawberries and raspberries. A perfect combination. 

Another fun piece. I forgot the belt here which would actually help shape me a bit more, but I just got so excited and forgot. Ooooops. But this is from Carolina Dress - out of the U.K. It is the most comfy thing ever! I'd highly recommend it, but a word of caution- the company doesn't answer emails, Facebook, or Paypal questions and shipping to the US is sloooooow. So yeah, jerks. 😬

My first major grab. Skirt by The Oblong Box Shop and Shoes are Bettie Page. I really have a long long long list of pieces I need from TOBS, but found this for a decent deal. I had to have it. I needed to have it!  I have it and now I will never go back! Muahahah.

Sidebar

Husband also really likes this one.

But it's Moai's in Space and it looks like the Jetsons. Who could hate on that?

Now I just really need the other two

MCM skirts from TOBS, and a tiki, 

pineapple,  flamingo...

ALL THE PRETTIES

 Skirt by Unique Vintage. I bought this skirt on a whim because the price was good. I wasn't sure how I felt about it until it was on me, and now I don't know how I lived without it. P.S. Pockets. That is all.

 

Skirt by Unique Vintage. This piece was at the tip-top of my must have list. I saw it  randomly on my IG feed one day and nearly fainted like a woman from an old movie. I had to have it. Had.  And, one day- it was made possible. Best decision ever.🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉

So, that's all I've got for now. Just had to share these pieces that make me happy. I'll probably share more as I get them- because fashion is also like my new therapy- you know, if I could feel good about wearing these things outside of the house. 

 
 

 

 

 

 

 

All I have to say....

In the aftermath of the Dallas sniper incident I have this to say:

People suck. Not all people. Most have good intentions. It only takes a few to ruin everything for everyone else. Snipers killing cops? Stupid. Cops killing people that aren't using similar force? Stupid. Media exploiting things to their benefit and the benefit of government policies? Stupid. 

That is all. Screw it all. 

It Begins. (again)

Hello and welcome to my blog. I've had about 20 blogs over the years, and I was told once that I should keep them up because it's the best way to get out my thoughts. And, right now, I have a lot of thoughts. 

Oh yeah! Hi! Let me introduce myself. I am Melanie. I'm 31 and I've recently moved my entire life from Indiana to Alabama (for the second time).  

This is Me. 😉

 

I graduated with a double major from Indiana University in 2009 and wanted to go further in my education, but lacked the funding. I've also got an astronomical amount of loan debt. Yes, I'm one of those people. Anyway, at that point I moved in with my now husband, Brad, in his house in Alabama. 

After some time we moved back to Indiana. Both good and bad stuff happened there and now we're back here again. The filler stuff will probably make up some future blog posts. 

I forgot to mention that during my first two years in Alabama we had adopted a little dog named Boomer. He's a Catahoula and has stumpy little legs. But he's mostly bark and no bite. A typical big sweetie. 

Anyway, as you can already tell, I write in a jumbled manner. I write like I am talking to a person, rather than talking to myself. And, I write whatever comes out of my head. I honestly doubt that anyone will ever read this, but that's ok by me! It's more a therapeutic thing than a social thing. 

But first- a little bit more about me (specifically jobs) before I end this introduction and start getting into topic blogs.  (Oh and I sincerely apologize for my comma problems, I just really like commas)! 

I went to college (Indiana Univeristy) and got degrees in both Sociology and Criminal Justice. My main goal (after several swaps in major and career ideas) was to get into law enforcement and persue some sort of entry into a federal department. 

Upon exiting college with my head held high, I tried out for a police job but didn't have the agility for push-ups (even though I had completed the correct amount in the time they wanted..). To make an exceedingly long story short, the police chief of that city was fired the week after I "failed" the test and he somewhat stalked me. It turned me off of police for a while. 

I then spent several months traveling the country looking for work. I arrived in Louisiana where I got a job as a jailer in the Parrish jail. I declined it though, for several reasons, but mainly because the jail housed some death row inmates convicted of rape and murder due to state over-crowding at the prisons. The jail was tiny and you had to walk through areas with 2 foot clearance and all the cells were open barred. They then told me they refused to bargain with hostages. Basically, your life was on the line and they wouldn't fight for you.

Yeah no.

So, I went to Florida and back to Alabama where I found my first job outside of college- McDonalds. 

I am an extremely anxious person. McDonalds was actually a blessing and it helped me get past a bit of that. I met some amazing friends and actually started enjoying life. 

Then, I went and got a job at the county jail in Huntsville, Alabama as a Detention Officer. It was an hour drive, both ways. After being maced and tased and put through physical and mental exams- I started working midnights (7pm-7am). The team I was on pretty much hated me and made me feel useless- but the job wasn't terrible. I always went home with a great story- always. After transferring to day shift, I felt a lot better about the job. I was taken seriously and I was accepted by my fellow teammates.  I'm sure I will talk more on this one day. 

My favorite team! 

 

So skip ahead, we moved back to Indiana. My husband bought my Dad's bread route (delivering bread to stores, filling shelves-etc.). I worked with him for a while. We got married! 

See, wedding.

 

We bought a home. I got a job doing loss prevention with Macy's. 

Macy's stuff

 

My husband hurt his back. I had to quit my job and go into work with him full-time. 

During that time (in more recent years) I started getting into the rockabilly culture, practicing portrait (mainly pin-up), and making pin-up style jewelry. We collect and sell midcentury furniture.  And now, we are back in Alabama- persuing all of the above as careers. More on that later, too. 

Me, taken by me. 

But yeah, that's it for my first post and my brief hello. What I plan for this blog is just to speak on topics that come up in my head. I'm an extremely quizzical person. I think a lot and ask a lot of stupid questions. My husband finds me crazy, but I actually enjoy knowing that I think differently than other people. 

So, check back in- or not. That's okay. As stated before, this is more of a therapy for me than anything else! :) 

New Blog #1- check.